Phan - Knocking Solves Problems (Part 1 of 2)

Title: Knocking Solves Problems (Part 1 of 2)
Author: TheTallBlondeOne
Genre: birthday present-ness
Rating: T
Warnings: everyone's emotionalll xD it's a bit long, BUT THERE WILL BE SEXY TIMEZ IN THE NEXT PART YEY :')

Phil shuffled down the long walkway of flats with an irritated stride in his step, pulling his backpack of essentials for the night further up his shoulder until it was rubbing against his lower neck with every jerking motion. Turning the corner down yet another street Phil slipped his iPhone out of his pocket and turned the volume up as far as it could go, trying to drown out his thoughts, his problems…his main problem being Dan.
Pulling the slipping backpack up to his neck again Phil let his mind finally wander, he knew it was no use not trying to co-operate with his head, that never ended well.
Whilst Phil was walking down a cloudy street alone Dan was with Peej, which was understandable, considering PJ and Dan had ten more years of friendship between them than Phil did, PJ was naturally the rational answer as the person to take with you to your fathers' funeral. Feeling his stomach sink a little further at that thought Phil realised he had started to slow down dramatically and had grabbed the attention of a little granny walking her abnormally large dog over the other side of the road so carried on quicker, head down.
Turning the next corner Phil finally found the door he needed, ringing the doorbell and tapping his foot impatiently whilst taking his ear phones out and tucking them in his pocket.
Don't take it out on him, Phil…it's nothing to do with him, it won't help. Were Phil's last rational thoughts before he was greeted by a smiling Chris. Pulling his mouth up into a hopefully believable smile as well Phil stepped forward and wrapped his arms round his friend, grateful for the contact.
"Heyy! How was the journey?" Chris asked, shutting the door behind them.
"Yeahh, not too bad, y'know what I'm like with attracting weird people on trains…"
Chris chuckled lightly and motioned for the black haired boy to come into the kitchen where he started opening random cupboards, carrying on light conversation until two mugs were set out on the counter with the kettle humming in the background.
"…have you heard from Peej?" Phil asked, sitting at one end of the small table watching the steam rise from the kettle before resting his gaze on Chris, a hint of sadness on his face that quickly melted.
"Err, yeah, he said that Dan was the same as before…still…y'know." Chris scratched his head and looked down quickly before looking back up at Phil. "He said he's fed up of his girly crying though." He joked expecting a laugh from his friend, instead Phil flinched, hard, and his eyes glazed over.
Dan had always had this thing about negative emotions; he was the kind of person that only ever let you see the effects: the red puffy eyes as he'd walk past Phil in the morning to get cereal. Sometimes, if Phil was very lucky, he'd hear the muffled sobs through their conjoining wall and feel every nerve in his body point towards Dan and want nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and make everything better…but guys didn't do that.
Dan's Dad had been strict, ever since the question of Dan's sexuality had cropped up the two hadn't got along, there had be screaming phone calls and ruined Christmases and eventually his Dad hit back…literally, and their contact was lost…until Dan got that phone call from his Mum. Then his exterior hardened even more than before and the wall surrounding his heart became impossibly unreachable. Phil wanted nothing more than to break that wall down.
So now here he was, sitting in his friend's kitchen after being rejected by Dan, knowing that he was giving PJ the one thing that he never gave Phil: the ability to break down emotion and just fucking cry.
"H-he cried?" Phil asked, voice small, eyes averted to the floor. Chris seemed confused.
"Phil… his dad died I d-…PJ's known him since they started school…" Chris raised an eyebrow and breathed out loudly, turning back round to pour the hot water and stir clumsily, the clattering sound of metal against porcelain making Phil wince.
"Yeah, I know…he just-he…he's never…" Phil was lost for words, thankfully Chris didn't comment.
"Peej said that they'd be on their way back here in a couple of hours…you can have the spare bedroom and they can have the sofas, is that okay?" Chris said, sitting opposite Phil and passing him the tea, feeling it burn his palms as he clasped it in both hands.
The hours dragged slowly, but they weren't anything to complain about, the two boys sat and talked and laughed, even filmed a video, and by the time the other two boys were meant to be at Chris's editing was well under way. They'd been taking it in turns, one would play on the xbox whilst the other edited—then Phil heard the front door open.
"Oh, they're here!" Chris said, pushing away from the computer and going to greet his two friends whilst Phil sat motionless, he didn't know what to do. He heard the low hum of conversation between PJ and Chris…but no Dan. Then the door to Chris's bedroom was being swung open and Phil finally swung into action, standing up and turning round to see PJ enter the room with Chris behind… but no Dan.
"Hey Peej! How're you?" Phil said, walking towards him, arms outstretched, grabbing handfuls of the back of the white shirt PJ had been wearing for the funeral and rested his chin on his shoulder.
"Yeahh, not too bad…y'know." PJ said, letting go of Phil and sitting on Chris's bed.
"So…where's Dan?" Phil asked, trying to sound as normal as possible.
"He's just in the living room unpacking and stuff, he said you can go see him if you want?" Phil smiled at this…and then realised PJ had directed this news at Chris instead of him.
"Ah cool, okay." Chris said, turning to leave with Phil hot on his heels—
"Hey-Phil…could we talk for a sec." PJ said, stopping him in his tracks as Chris walked down the corridor.
"Err, yeah, sure, what's up?" Phil said, letting the door close behind him and stood looking down at Peej feeling awkward.
"Just…just give him some time yeah? He's still not great and…it's nothing personal, you're just..." PJ stumbled around his words as usual, trying to think of the easiest and nicest way to put it. Phil thought that 'it's nothing personal' definitely wasn't the best thing that could have come out of his friend's mouth.
"I'm just what..? What is it Peej?" Phil asked, a knot forming in his stomach, his palms becoming sweaty and he could feel his heart beating through his rib cage.
"You're…Jesus Phil, you're in love with him."
If his heart had been beating fast before, Phil was pretty sure it had just exploded.
He forced three deep, slow breaths before whispering "How did you know that." to the floor, unconsciously crafting the words not to sound anything like a question, because he was sure he didn't want the answer.
PJ sat up further on the bed with a sigh.  "Phil.  Come on."
Phil said nothing, what could he possibly say now?
"Don't worry, he doesn't know…" PJ said reassuringly but Phil still didn't move.
"Look. I. Maybe at a different time, I...I don't know. Maybe someday...this...might be what he needs. What he...wants."
Phil tried as hard as he fucking could not to hear "this" as "you", and failed, just as hard, and everything was hard then (except for that, because, that would be weird, just, no) – his thoughts, his efforts, his failure, his breath, his heartbeat…and life. Life was fucking hard.
And now here's Peej, validating the only thing he'd hoped for these past three years, that Dan might need, want him even, but that he has to wait?
"Look, all I'm saying is. Just. Try not to jump him, okay? He's vulnerable and hurting and fucking out of it, and..."
"I'm not a fucking animal, Peej. I…I wouldn't." Phil snapped, regretting it after.
"I know. I didn't mean. I just. He's emotional right now, like you've never seen him...i've never seen him for that matter. It'd be so easy to just...blurt out...y'know, whatever...to get caught up in his state, and I..."
"Yeah, I get it…okay." Phil said quickly, it was an acceptance, but a last resort one…and Phil hated it.
"I…" PJ stuttered again, "I just don't want him to get hurt."
"It's okay, I'll leave him be…he knows where to find me." Phil said, collecting the few items he'd brought into Chris's room with him and turned towards the door.
"Phil…" PJ sounded on the edge of tears, he hated the idea of arguing with Phil, so he was glad when the latter turned round and looked him right in the eyes, "I'll talk to you tomorrow yeah?"
Phil nodded sharply and walked down the hallway to the spare bedroom, shutting the door, knowing he'd definitely not be getting any sleep that night.